August 8, 2011 was Bear and my 2 year Wedding Anniversary.
Last year, I wrote a blog about our 1 year anniversary where I discussed some of the challenges we faced moving to India and some of the things that defined us as a married couple and as people. I decided that I will follow that tradition and write one for this year as well. Better late than never, nah?
Here is what I said from last year:
Every day with my husband is just like the very first one. Every moment with him is just as much fun, just as fresh and exciting, just as comforting and warm as it always has been. Being with my husband is like finally coming home. In his heart, mine found peace.
Moving to India wasn’t easy for either of us. I found the first two weeks here excessively hard and different and scary. My husband did everything in his power (and in some cases out of his power) to fix things to make the transition a better one for me. During that time, he transformed from being a super husband into being a superhero. There was nothing he couldn’t do, from getting the flat cleaned in two hours or less, to getting a new bed that didn’t make my back hurt, to getting movies at a local shop to make me laugh and keep me happy till my own movies arrived. Even to running out to a local shop to buy me one bar of chocolate after hearing me say that I wanted one. My husband did it all.
In some ways, he still does.
I must say, that even after two years all of this still applies. We’ve had some really great times, some hard ones, and through it all we supported one another and loved one another. He still buys me chocolate and I still rub his feet. We act like newlyweds and to be honest, I hope that tradition carries on forever.
In my last post, I listed some of the things that I felt had made an impact on either myself or on both of us since moving to India. I’m also going to carry that tradition on and while some of my answers have not changed, others have evolved and yet still others are totally different…my love for India is the one thing that’s remained constant.
Some things we’ve faced since being in India:
Monsoons: Ha! No big deal! Loved them and ready for more! Bring it on! I’m from the east coast where it Hurricane’s and floods every other year! Bring it on baby! WOOT! This year we went out a lot more during Monsoon and I got to enjoy the feeling of rushing water over your feet while trying to cross the road, balancing the bike while waiting for a light, and rain water flooding our balcony. Still fun! Still loved it!
Change: Neither of us has really had to change to accommodate the other person. We’ve grown obviously; we are BETTER people, but not changed people. I think perhaps he is seeing India in a different light now and perhaps also other cultures in a different and better way, just as I am. We, neither of us, are as culturally ignorant as we once were about not only our own culture but other’s as well. We’ve learned that we are a lot stronger together than apart. We’ve learned that together we can do anything. But that hasn’t really changed, it’s always been there just waiting for us to discover it.
Bill Paying: Because I cannot drive yet and my Hindi/Marathi is still rather poor, Bear is still mostly on Bill paying duty. Many of our bills must be paid either in the office or online BUT I can now pay our Internet bill myself as we have a satellite office in our complex now and the gentleman who works there understands my pigeon talk. The online Bills he handles easily at the end of the month. I pay our cell phone bill and the cable and internet bill through an online site. Our maintenance has to be paid by check in the business office and I cannot do that, so that is Bear’s bill to pay. Otherwise, the only time we lose connection now is if the power is off…and in Pune the power is always subject to be off. :)
Power: Oh my GOD. How many times can the power go off in one day? Move to India and you’ll find out. Much of my time is spent rebooting my computer or flipping fuse switches. Got caught in the elevator again this year when the power failed and this time was in there for 2 minutes. HORROR. Still having “Power Down” Thursday’s when it’s off from 8am till 6pm and over a month ago I lost almost everything in the fridge when it was off till after midnight. Bye bye freshly bought and opened Mayo that I have to drive 30 minutes in crappy traffic and over pot holed roads to get to. ARGH. Now we buy me back up items just in case.
Language: I’m still struggling horribly with the language here. I speak to my maid by using Google Translate or my slightly expanded Hindi/Marathi. I still use sign language/face language/noise language and acting. She still loves this and giggles wildly at it. While I am slowly picking the language up, I now no longer suspect that (fear?) that my brain was not properly wired for learning other languages…I know it! This is perhaps the reason why I barely passed French in High School. Eh…c’est la vie.
Gossip: Not a big deal anymore. We either ignore it or argue it and then leave it. 
Children: To have or not to have right now? Still a debate. Further investigation is needed. I’ll keep you posted. LOL
Drugs: I’m allergic to marijuana. Just the smell of it being burnt is enough to start a reaction in me that makes me hyperventilate and get a blinding headache. A year later and the construction workers outside our complex still love it and smoke it frequently. I’m at odds running to close my windows or just walk around in my house wearing a face mask and who knows when those people are going to toke up. Like right now….
Police: Meh. Some good experiences, some bad. Mostly it’s the same old same old from last year.
Time and Access Constraints: STILL A HUGE ISSUE and nothing has changed. Traffic here is horrendous. What might take 15 minutes to go to in US takes us about 45 minutes to 1 hour here. This means that we would rather not go in the first place. Also, unless we take a taxi, we are usually exhausted upon arrival because riding that motorcycle down Indian streets is the same as going to war. Food is another issue; it’s spread out all over the place. One place has our pre-packaged Dohkla and Idli and Sambar mixes. Another has our fresh veggies. Still another has our condiments and cleaning materials. Yet ANOTHER has my American food for those days when I just have to have it. It takes a whole week to get everything that we need. Although his work has changed and he no longer works for the same company, he has to go a much longer distance to get to work. It’s because of this that he now takes the transportation bus provided by the company. This has the advantage that he doesn’t have to drive every day, but the disadvantage that if I need him in an emergency it will take him an hour to get home. On the other side, I now have full use of the scooter and have been teaching myself how to drive it by going to our local Kirana for food that I would usually call Bear to order and have delivered to our house. So that’s a bonus!
Idiots: Last year there were a ton of idiots at my husband’s work place but as he’s now changed companies it’s a “wait and watch” situation. He DID let me write his Farewell letter to his old company, which was plenty brave of him. We both wanted to be sure and not totally burn any bridges but still rip on them as best we could. This is what I wrote:
Dear All,
I wanted to take a moment to let you know that I am leaving my position here at ‘Old Company Name Here’ after seven years, four months, and 27 days.
I have enjoyed my time here at ‘Old Company Name Here’; there have been a lot of action and adrenalin. I’ve had the pleasure to work with “Gary Kirstens” and “Greg Chappells”, both of which have their own special things to teach to us all. Not to mention all the appeals, doosras, yorkers, reverse-swings, googlys, sliding stops and power plays which have made the seven plus years working here all the more exciting.
Thank you to those of you who defy the Dilbert Principle and for the people whose support, guidance, and encouragement have provided me so much during my time here at ‘Old Company Name Here’. Even though I will miss my colleagues and the company, I am looking forward to this new challenge and to starting a new phase of my career.
Please keep in touch; I can be reached at my personal email address. With this, I leave you three things to consider:
1) Keep it Simple.
2) Don’t Panic.
3) “Thanks for all the fish.”
Thanks again for everything and best wishes for all your future endeavors.
Yours truly,
Bear
I personally LOVED the last three things that I mentioned. Here in India there is a commercial campaign with Ranbir for TATA where he says “Keep it Simple, silly.” Once though he said stupid so I thought using that campaign slogan would be a great little innuendo. :)
Also, I was very proud of the reference to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I loved that I was comparing the Dolphins (i.e.: my hubby because he’s smart) leaving the Earth which was about to be destroyed (his old company). But Bear nixed it because, as he said “There are exactly two people in that whole company who will get that reference and one of them is me and the other is our neighbor.” ::Sigh::
Anyway, there’s still plenty of idiots still left living here in our complex though so don’t worry about us not having idiots to play with.
PIO: We applied for this and are STILL waiting, ohhhh let’s see…four months later. I mean seriously??? How hard is this? It’s not rocket science people! Send the police to do the check already and let’s get this process rolling!!! ARGH!
BO: I found that Dove spray works for me here, but I was feeling guilty about my carbon footprint seeing as it’s an aerosol. SO, on our recent trip back to the states I bought a whole bunch of my Deo and a 12 pack of Irish Spring soap. Ahhhh refreshed and not at all stinky! 
Inner Sanctum: I’ve learned that I am still the ‘weighing in station’ for the family when it comes to advice on the inner workings and emotions of our Indian family. I am still asked advice from Bear’s parents on how to deal with issues they have with Bhabhi. And then Bhabhi calls and ask me on how to deal with the ‘rents. Things are much better between everyone now, as they have really learned how to open up to one another and be a bit more patient without jumping to conclusions. I hope I helped play some small part/role in that but really the applause goes to them for keeping at it.
Fights: None. Zero this past year. I feel bad when I see other friends talking about the issues they have with their husband’s because I know if I say anything I will feel like I’m lording it over on how absolutely perfect I think my husband is. It’s really not that way, neither of us is perfect, but we do an awesome job keeping up our communication. Also, we are both pretty easy-going and lazy. A typical date night is: “What do you want to do?”, “Whatever you want to do.”, “How about a movie?”, “Ok, what movie do you want to watch?”, “Whatever movie you want to watch.” etc, etc, etc.
Love: Yes, we are still lovebirds. We hold hands. We snuggle. We coo. We’re totaling gross and gag out our friends with our sweetness. STILL. J
India: We both are hopelessly in love with India and yet we are going to leave her. I think at this point we are both at a place in our lives where we need ONE thing to be simple. A way of life should be simple. Long drives should be for fun, not grocery shopping. Motorcycle riding should be for recreation, not in the rain to and from work. Arguing with someone should be a debate that happens infrequently, not a daily occurrence over when milk was or was not delivered. Power, it should always be there. Water, it should be there too. Just simple every day things that we took for granted before and now never will again. But we want to get to a place where we can enjoy them and talk about how we aren’t taking those things for granted while we do them or experience them. I know many people think that by moving to another country, we will lose the beliefs and traditions of his culture. But neither of us feels this is true. I’ve held on to who I am living in India while still adapting myself fairly well and incorporating the laws and beliefs of my husband his culture into my core being. When we lived in the US, we did the same by incorporating India into our daily lives. Incredible India, how we love you, how much a part of our soul you are, and we will miss you when we are gone. But yes, we have applied for his Green Card and will be moving back to the US as soon as that is processed and we find him a position which pays enough for us to come back to India often.
Negative and Pessimistic People: You know who you are! Yep. We’re still together. Nope, I’m not sick of him…doubt I ever will be. Yep, he still is glad for fighting for our life together. Nope, his parents love me to death and probably treat me better than you would ever believe. Yep, you were wrong and always will be. I have something to say to you ….. Lean in closer…..cloooser….closer still….
NA NA NEENER NEENER IN YOUR FACE AND UP YOUR NOSE WITH A RUBBER HOSE DUDE!
On that note I think I will leave you with this thought. Remember this – very little is needed to make a happy life, but quite a lot is needed to make a life unhappy. Why go against the grain?
Have a good day all!
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