Superman…an Intellectual debate on Romance and Relationships

Superman

Superman

You’re either pro-Superman/Louis Lane Marriage or you’re not.  I used to think that there can be no grey area here.  However I’ve since learned otherwise and during that ‘instructive’ phase, I learned a little bit more about who my fiancé is.

I’m pro.  Bear was (is?) anti.

Ok, so you are asking yourself…yet again…where the heck I am going with this.  I mean, it’s just a MOVIE right?  Well, yes and no.  Sometimes things that are simple are actually quite the reverse.  And of course there is always the vice-versa.

When Bear and I were only friends and new ones at that, we had a major disagreement.   It all started one night after watching Superman.  I commented on how Superman had no right to remove Louis Lane’s memory of their relationship or her love for him.  Bear was all over this like white on Basmati rice.  He thought that Superman DID have the right and not only that…he was right to do what he had done!

Oh NO he DIDN’T!

It was on!  For the next four hours, the other guys staying in the apartment had to listen to Bear and I argue back and forth about our perceptions, view points and opinion on whether or not Superman was right.

At one point, I think one of the guys got up, threw his hands in the air and said he hated to see what happened if we watched Spiderman together.  I retaliated by saying that we didn’t need to worry about that because Spiderman hadn’t taken away Mary Jane’s right to love and be with her man…and Spiderman was brave enough to accept it and they were presently living in comic book married bliss!  So THERE!  Take THAT!  In YO FACE!  Up your nose with a ruuuuuubber hose!  Ok, so I didn’t actually say those things, but I sure was thinking them.

But back to Bear and my disagreement.

Essentially, I felt that life…any kind of life…was fraught with danger.  You could just as easily die stepping into your shower, slipping, falling and cracking open your head as you could being married to a Super Hero (or politician for that matter).  But what kind of life would it be if you weren’t true to it?  If you didn’t live it as wonderfully and truthfully as you could…forgetting that there might be some danger because of the person that you were with.  I mean, ok, for God’s sake…don’t take off and marry a drug dealer or gang member…but you get my point.  I felt that Superman had no right to mess with Louise Lane’s memory or for that matter her life!  Women love.  That’s plain and simple.  And it’s because we are so much a part of our emotions that make us to be who we are.  We learn and grow from the emotional pain we experience.  That is one of the things that makes us stronger, better and more emotionally matured.  So Superman, in my opinion, not only took away her God given right to choose her life, he took away her right to grow as a person.  And what the heck was wrong with them getting married anyway?  The woman put herself in danger each and every day that she worked for the newspaper.  Heck, she was in danger most of the time even without being in a relationship with Superman.  That’s how they met for goodness sakes!

I’ll agree with the fact that by being with him, her chances for harm increased ten-fold…but that still should have been a decision that she could make…and then live with.

As I’ve said before, I’d rather have 30 seconds of wonderful then a lifetime of nothing special.  Once upon a time, I made the decision to continue being Bear’s friend, to continue to love him and fall even more in love with him, even knowing (or thinking that I knew….obviously I was wrong…which further proved my point) that I would never be able to be with Bear.  That this was my 30 seconds of wonderful.  And let me tell you, I took as much of that as I could get, never once regretted it and now thank god for it.  If I had taken the easy and “safe” route, I wouldn’t be with my soul mate today.  I wouldn’t have such a glorious and happy life spread out before me.

Bear’s argument was that when you love people, you want to protect them, even if that means making hard choices.  His analogy was that even though I liked to drive fast when I am alone, when I have people in the car with me, I drive slower and take less chances and risks.  I responded yes, but that was still arguing my point, my loved ones were my conscience, they kept me true.

And then he would fall back on the old stand-by that Superman’s first priority was to the world…and with his level of responsibility and the kind of enemies he would have, it would have been irresponsible and irreprehensible of him to marry Louis.  Like he said, he may love her, but how can he be there for her as she deserves or always be available to protect her from the people who would harm her just because of her relationship with him.  And with that being said, what if something DID happen to her, how could he forgive himself or continue to live?

And to be honest, I didn’t have answer for that…because that was just one real life scenario that I can’t possibly fathom or create an argument for.  In real life, no man would ever face these sorts of things.  Not even a King (or President), because everyone would know he was a King, he would have people who could protect his wife when he was not there and other people to run his affairs when he wanted some alone time with her.  Superman is alone.  He will never have that kind of support structure.  And he can only be in one place at a time.  What?  Should I expect him to be constantly turning back time to save her life…over and over again?  How fair would that be to him?  How fair to her?  What about the rest of us?  So in this case, I had nothing left to argue.  Bear was right.

But it caused me to think of something else…that no man is an island and the choices that he does or does not make will affect people other than himself.  What if Superman HAD married Louis and nothing worse than a few attempts on her life were made?  And there is the crux of the problem.  The WHAT IF.

In reality, it’s unfair to compare my relationship with Bear and that of Superman and Louis Lane (even though to me Bear is most definitely a Super Hero).  Ultimately, we all have our own choices to make and each time we make them we have to be conscious of the affect that it will have on those around us.  We have to decide whether these choices are worth the risks and then never look back once we do make those choices.

That day, Bear taught me to see another side to the issue…a bigger side and one that I had never thought of before.  For me, I was seeing it only from my perspective…that the girl should have gotten the boy but the boy was too much wrapped up in honor and duty and all that jazz.  Now I understand that it wasn’t like that at all.  The boy was wrapped up in what he had decided for his life…and who can blame him, and in all justice to him, he DID try to make it work with the girl.  However, he soon came to realize that it was causing more harm to her, to him and to the world then the few moments that they had together was worth.  That ultimately, it would destroy those moments and make them into something pale and lifeless.

Do I agree with what Superman did?  Do I think he should have taken her memory?  No.  I think he should have talked to Louis and helped her to understand his decision.  I think he should have let her learn and grow (and yes, cry and hurt)…but to come out of that stronger than she was before.

So, I think that Bear and I both learned something from our talk even if we both still believe we are right in the essence of the debate.  I learned to try to see the bigger picture instead of just going with the emotion of the situation.  Bear learned that sometimes, it is worth it to fight for those few glorious moments….

Just as long as you don’t destroy the world, have to fly the earth backwards or run around in skin tight blue tights with a big red and yellow S on your chest.

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