Wrinkled….aka still NOT Freshly Pressed.

What IS Freshly Pressed?  It sounds intriguing.  When I first read it I thought “Hmm…perhaps there are a ton of people walking around wrinkled?”  Then I thought probably not.

So I did what any red-blooded blogger does.  I Googled it.

Googled Freshly Pressed

I selected the first link because 1) I’m lazy and didn’t want to scroll down any further and 2) see reason number 1.

So what is being Freshly Pressed?

Sidenote:  In my head this always comes out Fressed Preshly or Pressed Freshly or Pressly Freshed….don’t ask.

Well, here is what the Freshly Pressed tag site had to say:

Each weekday, we hand-pick and promote approximately ten new blog posts to the Freshly Pressed section of the WordPress.com homepage. These posts represent how WordPress.com can be used to entertain, enlighten or inspire.

Why should you care about being featured? Well, let’s put it this way: Getting promoted to Freshly Pressed is a major traffic win because WordPress.com receives a high volume of page views. And, we have a feed set up so people can subscribe to Freshly Pressed. Why do we do all this? It’s our way of saying we like you. We really like you.

Apparently they like everyone but me.  Some people they like more than once.  Also, there is a plethora of people who’ve been pressed freshly and didn’t seem to mind.

So I thought to myself… “Self…I would like to be pressed freshly.  Also, being that I am inordinately fascinated with myself, I think having a ‘major traffic win’ could be a good thing”.

I agreed with myself.  But how to get Pressly Freshed?  I mean Freshly Pressed?

Well, the article explained that too!  Bonus!

Five Ways to Get Featured on Freshly Pressed

  • Write unique content that’s free of bad stuff.

Hmmm.  Well, I write about Intercultural Relationships, Wedding Cupcakes, Superman, Kosher Dill Pickles and occasionally some pretty profound topics like What Cows are Really Looking for in India.  The most controversial I ever went was a blog on Wedding Hair Up-Do’s that I drafted and never posted.  Nothing bad there.  Ok, so CHECK.

  • Include images or other visuals.

Ok, well every blog I post has a visual stimulant.  They prefer that the images be owned by me but if not I need to be sure to properly give credit to the original owner.  Hmmmm.  That one is a bit difficult to do.  I usually just search the pictures in Google till I find a free shot to use if I don’t have one of my own.  I mean, while it’s easy for me to use my own pictures of Cow butt (as I have a plethora of those), I don’t necessarily have access to my own Kosher Dill pickles as THEY DON’T HAVE THEM IN INDIA (thanks a lot for rubbing THAT in my face WordPress…jeez).  Ok, so in today’s post I used a visual I created myself!!  CHECK.

  • Add tags.

Always do.  Even if my post is about something profound like Cows, I tag it as Wedding Cupcakes because I know from my WordPress Dashboard that is just ONE of the pithy little words that people use to find my blog.  CHECK.

  • Cap off your post with a compelling headline.

Dude, how much more compelling can you get than ‘Gori Fell down and went BOOM!’  or ‘Adventure with Indian Toilets!’???  I ask you.  Jeez.  Ok, ok, so CHECK.

  • Aim for typo-free content.

Wht?  I always tpe perfunctly and nvr leaf my blg in disray.  Come ON ppl!!!  Jeez.  CHECK!

So what the heck am I doing wrong?  Why am I not getting Freshly Pressed?  Do I offend?  Is my blog stinky?  Am I NOT all that and the bag of chips that I truly thought I WAS?

Well that last one is just not possible, so the only thing I can come up with is that I am just too cool for Freshly Pressed.

Hey….that’s my story and I’m sticking’ to it!

10 thoughts on “Wrinkled….aka still NOT Freshly Pressed.

  1. Yup, I like that attitude! To cool to be freshly pressed.

    Let’s all us cool people just start a new page for blogs too cool to be freshly pressed. We could call it “Wrinkle Free”. Lmao

    • “Wrinkle Free”…..Excellent Idea!!!! 🙂 You and I can be founding members! I’ll be Bounce and you can be Snuggle or Fabreeze…..whichever you prefer. LOLOLOLOL

      Really, it is a great idea though!

  2. I write, but no one notices my blog either. I have read some of the “freshly pressed” blogs and honestly, I was not “impressed,” myself.
    So, while they might be “freshly pressed,” they are not that “impressive.”
    …. I am just sayin’

    • Jamily5, I read quite a few of the Freshly Pressed Blogs and some of them I enjoy quite a lot. They make me aspire to be a better and more consistent writer…..other’s are just total FAILS with typo’s or that silly ‘text speech’ all over the place. So who knows what their criteria actually are. I just thought it would be funny to make fun of it! 😉 hahahaha

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