Today started off just like most days…
I got up to a hot bedroom, let in our maid who prepared our subzi and roti for the day. Packed my husband’s lunch, made coffee and set out biscuits for us to eat and then we sat down to watch Old Christine or Friends.
There was no Newspaper today which was odd, but not out of the ordinary. It’s India and these things just happen.
Then I sent Bear off to work, puttered around cleaning up a few things and checked my Facebook account.
And that is where I found it.
Osama Bin Laden was dead.
So many emotions flooded my being, flashbacks to 9/11 and then again to 26/11 for Mumbai, all the numerous reports from Pakistan that they could not find Osama and now it all culminated to this final day.
The US found him, kept their secrets and killed him.
I was happy, sad, confused, angry, relieved, and scared all over and over.
How can any person be happy over the death of another? How could I not be with my US and India ties?
I sent a text message to my husband at work, knowing that he did not yet know being stuck in meetings all morning and our newspaper not being delivered this morning of ALL mornings.
And now I sit here and question my own feelings.
And I’m reminded of a line from a movie.
“Take me away from all this…Death!”
Do you remember that line? It was spoken by Mina Harker in Dracula. She was begging Dracula to change her, to turn her into what he was.
When I watched that movie I didn’t really look beyond the story or the entertainment value, but like I always do, later I reviewed it in my head to find meaning behind the story.
And I found it. That one line. That one statement. It’s very telling of our human nature. We fight fire with fire. We fight death with death.
But does this also mean that we find salvation in termination?
Haven’t we for centuries been doing the same? Killing one another for reasons all our own and for which we feel righteous? Do not they too feel righteous? Is vengeance really vengeance or is it a show of power to those who once thought us weak?
Why must it be so? Have we ever truly tried to show compassion and logic?
Have we, the US, really created our own Monsters? Has the whole world?
When the men in our complex beat and throw stones at the dogs who live here peacefully and then wonder that the dogs growl and bark and chase after them, haven’t they shown through their own ignorance that they have created their own enemy and are too wrapped up in their “Why Me’s?” to realize it?
If these Monsters we live with have been created out of greed, ignorance, betrayal, or prejudice, then who created them?
If we had nothing to do with their creation, if we did not force them to behave this way, and we must therefore be justified in our own actions, isn’t that just the same as what they say?
Are we stuck in a perpetual Catch-22?
I don’t know.
But I do know that a part of me is happy that Osama Bin Laden is dead.
A part of me is sad that he had to die.
A part of me is confused that he had so much hate for a place he lived in and lived like for so long.
A part of me is angry at my home country for feeding him in his home and sending billions of our hard-earned money to a Country who lied and hid him.
A part of me is relieved that it is all finally over.
A part of me is scared that another (worse) Monster will just take his place.
If the saying “When God closes a door, he also opens a window.” is true for the God, does it not hold true that it must be the same for the bad as well? After all, we do not live in a vacuum. With yin, so too there must be yang.
What are you feeling today? May 1st 2011. The dawn of a new day without Osama Bin Laden.