Goons, Goons, who called the Goons?

And now for the next thrilling installment of Gori Rajkumari !

So, last Friday evening whilst Gori was awaiting the arrival from work of her loving, wonderful, gorgeous, handsome, intelligent, creative, and smart assed husband (this part inserted in case hubby decides to read it), it came to Gori’s oh-so-sensitive ears the splitting noise of honking and yelling.

Looking out her second bedroom window, she spied cars parked (illegally) on the turnaround at the entrance to her Society complex.  There were three of them and they were blocking the way into the main three parking lots of the Society so that only two wheelers and very teeny tiny cars could get through.  But Gori lives in a complex with people who LIKE their big brand new SUV like cars.

So needless to say there was quite the bottleneck with a huge amount of honking and yelling and cursing.

So Gori did what she does best, she went down to find out what the heck was going on.

And found a group of 10-12 men hanging around the Guard House and the Guards standing nervously outside and shooing people away.

But was Gori shooed away you ask?  Heaven forbid ….

Gori was a Warrior Princess in another life and she was sick of listening to honking because of a bunch of a-holes who thought they could park any place they wanted to.

So Gori approached said men and asked them nicely to move their cars.

Gori was ignored.

Gori also smelled alcohol and noticed sticks.

Did Gori walk away?


Gori asked again, very nicely, for the men to move their cars.

This time she was told in Hindi that nobody spoke any English and for her to go away.

So Gori said “Teek, English nahi?  Kala Mara!”  Which is pigeon Marahinglesh for “Ok, no English?  Car Move!”

Now one of the men all dressed in white and with enough gold on to fill the National Reserve waved an arm, said something in Hindi and two overly large men came up to Gori.

Being as intimidating and standing as close to Gori as they could, one said in pigeon English…

“You go HOME!  Leave now!  Go!”

And swung his arm so close to Gori’s face that she felt the breeze it caused.

Did Gori go home now?

Oh Hell No she did NOT.

(sidenote)  In High School one of Gori’s best friends was an African American girl called Amy.  Amy was the sweetest and kindest girl imagined.  She was the best on Gori’s HS Girls Basketball team.  Amy was tall and muscular and didn’t take no BS.  And Amy had alter ego which she whipped out on unsuspecting bully’s which she called ‘Tawanda’.  Tawanda was a head rolling, in your face, finger gesticulating, no nonsense b…i….t….c….h and nobody in their right mind messed with Amy when she whipped out ‘Tawanda’.  Gori was a very good learner.

So, Gori whipped out ‘Tawanda’.

She stepped up under the nose and almost into the chest of the big bully, started rolling her head and stuck her finger under big bully’s nose and said in her best (and Loudest….we all know how loud Gori can get) voice.


Big Bully stepped back, all the other men stepped back.

Now comes the oldest Security Guard of all time who Gori secretly calls Father Time.

“Home going, please miss….please….please home going.”  As he tries to guide Gori away.

And Gori realizes that the Security men are afraid of these men.

And Gori realizes that these men are BULLY’S.

And now Gori is ENRAGED.

And now Gori starts yelling at the top of her lungs for them to take their cars and leave or she is calling the Police over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Gori draws a crowd.

Big Bully’s start looking nervous.

Another Owner comes up and he demands these men to leave.

Gori continues yelling.

The men finally get in their cars and leave all trying very hard to act like it was what they wanted to do anyway.

And Gori later learns that these men were called to her Complex by an Owner who was ‘just positive’ that a Security guard put scratches on his vehicle (with no proof mind you) and wanted the goons to beat up the Guards.

Gori pitches a FIT and starts an emailing campaign that brings the man who called the goons to shame and prompts a Politician living here to beg Gori’s husband not to file an FIR as he would take care of it and that Gori should feel safe, he will fix it and for Gori to not be afraid.


Then, on Sunday night at midnight, Gori and Bear are watching a movie with the sound up to drown out the sounds of the renters above their neighbor’s flat loud and nasty party.

The door bell rings and it’s the neighbors with their children asking Gori and Bear if they are also being disturbed by said rabble rousers.  The children were woken up they say.  This is the fifth time this has happened in so many weeks they say (which we also confirm).  They’ve asked the renters to stop, nicely and have been threatened and treated rudely by the renters they say.

So Gori and Bear give them the number for the Committee President and say they will stand behind them in the complaint.  Meanwhile, the renters have now moved down and out and can be heard right underneath Gori’s balcony.

Gori goes out there and asks them to be quiet.  Three are apologetic.  One is not.  One is rude.  One is threatening to Gori.  Gori tries again.  Gori fails again.

Does Gori stand for this?


Gori charges off downstairs with her husband the neighbors in fast pursuit.   Gori finds the rude renter trying to escape and frantically pushing the elevator button.

Gori is now ‘Tawanda’ again.  Gori is in his face, not letting him try to ‘reason’ with everyone else BUT her because she is the only one not listening to his lies and BS.  Gori scares the renter so bad after 15 minutes of threatening to call the Owner and have them tossed out to the waiting arms of the Police as they are drinking under the legal age of 25, that he finally escapes.

Rude renter is now quiet.

And finally, last night Gori learns that more goons were hired by an Owner to beat up another Owner whom he was having a disagreement with.  That Owner was beaten severely while the Guards stood by helpless, waiting for cops who did not come.

And Gori finds that out the next morning.

And Gori literally HITS THE ROOF.  After a flurry of phone calls and mass emailing, the Committee finally comes to the decision that any people behaving in this manner will be forcibly and legally evicted, Owner or not.

And there is a meeting this Sunday to discuss it.

And Gori and her husband will be there.  While Bear is a little nervous about Gori’s voicing her opinions so strenuously amongst people with the mentality to do such things as hiring goons….he also recognizes that one good person not saying anything makes the bad all the more powerful.

Let’s just hope for their sakes that she isn’t forced to whip out ‘Tawanda’ on them.


11 thoughts on “Goons, Goons, who called the Goons?

  1. Your situation with the goons reminds me of my expirience with some bad guys near Bangalore. They where trying to beat my husband up i was having an argument with them and said if anybody touches my husband i will touch him and he wont be happy after all. i was in the first weeks of my pregnancy and without shoes on the road…..
    finally nobody touched him and we managed to drive away.

  2. You are definitely the Warrior Rajkumari, Your Ladyship! 🙂

    Goons-bane, Voice-Warrior, Bully-slayer, Fear-Vanquisher, Courage-rouser and Law-defender!

    (And One Fine Day, Bear Dada is going to wake up bald, I fear! :-P)

    Seriously, Vahini, you got some guts.
    (And a repressed alter-ego that is fighting to get out and fulfilling your Ultimate Destiny…. um…. Citizen-Gori…. Super-Rajkumari? 😉 )

    What kind of nutters live in your Society, Your Ladyship? 😦

    Idiots who like to show their brawn over their brains and hearts? 😮
    And for what?

    You know what they are scared of…. its someone standing upto them and telling the truth about their excesses, and that is because every bully is scared of one thing:-

    His victims standing as one against him.

    So, On You Go, Your Ladyship!

    Unleash Tawanda, The Brave on your hapless Committee, if you have to, to make them pass the rule.

    Yet, a word of caution, Your Ladyship…. next time, don’t charge alone. Have someone watch your back!

    And to Bear Dada, you are The Best Husband to ‘humour’ Aurora Vahini, especially given her um…. ‘mental condition!’ 😛

    No, seriously, Dada is so supportive of you, knows that standing against Brain-Infested Bullys is Very Important to you, stands by you and gives you necessary advice and words of caution.

    And all you are interested in turning his hair white! 😛

    Keep up with the Fight, Your Ladyship!

    (But remember, with great power, comes great responsibility…. 🙂 )

    And Keep Us Informed.

    Waiting for your Next Post, Your Ladyship!

    P. S.:- So, something GOOD is coming out of the legal 25-yr. age limit rule, eh? 😛

  3. The real problem in India is that it is one of the most under-policed countries in the world. There are only 130 police per 100,000 of population, against the minimum UN recommendation of 220 – Australia has 238, the US has 233, heck even terrorism-riddled Pakistan has 207/100,000. If you think these overstretched police forces are going to show up for things like neighbourhood bullying and goondagiri, you’ll be waiting forever. Hence, the law of the jungle that prevails. The real miracle is that India is not in a Somalia like state of lawlessness given the lack of policing – actually, in parts of rural Uttar Pradesh and Bihar, it is a Somalia like situation.

    • I am not sure the solution is in numbers. Your stats imply that Indian police should be half as good as their counterparts in US but that would be a laughable assertion. They are a poorly trained corrupt bunch of thugs who bully over the meek and cower under the powerful. They inspire no awe and command no respect from anyone. What’s sorely lacking is quality and integrity.

      It was shameful watching these clowns cowering in fear clutching their antiquated World War-I weaponry in live TV footage during the Mumbai terrorism incident.

    • Even that “130” police figure is available to be bought and sold. No wonder the indian police have been chased away from the maoist controlled areas. Sometimes i understand and sympathise with these situations.

  4. That’s impressive! And you are also very lucky to get support from fellow owners/the committee. It really depends on the crowd around you. As for my neighborhood, such heroic antics would be very ill advised. We have a lot of parties around here, but no complaint so far could help it, least of all the police whose number isn’t working half the time. So it’s great to read about the success you are having. I hope you’ll keep us posted what next goondagiri may bring.

    • Thanks for the comment Daniela!

      You know, it’s just the situation that you described that makes my blood just boil. Aren’t people supposed to live peaceably and in harmony? Don’t they have the right to demand justice? Why are all the politicos and guru’s waisting so much time fasting over their own agenda’s instead of helping do something constructive for the everyday Joe? (Or Jayesh?).

      Ergh. You know, when we first came here, there was a guru who gave me a reading and told my husband that I was going to champion the weak and have a name in India. My husband cringed and said “She does already…..what can I do to stop her???” and the guru laughed. 😉 LOL

      • That’s a really cool anecdote with the Guru. It shows he was right.

        Apart from police being absent most of the time, I think it would already help if people in my neighborhood were a little more involved and would come out in support of each other. It is unthinkable that any one of the people of my area (let alone my building) would try to take panga with some goons. They would hide behind their curtains or up the volume of their tv sets.
        Come to think of it, they don’t even bother to throw in their weight when no adversary is present. Even at the risk of boring your mightily, let me recount the most annoying incident we had here so far:
        Our building had no phone connection. It was new and the builder had failed to provide the necessary facilities for MTNL to lay their cables. No pipe, no cables. No landline, no internet. All we had to do was to provide a pipe for the phone cables at a depth of one meter. Well, this seemed a herculean task. The builder never bothered. The society never bothered. We are “only” tenants here so we have no real weight. We asked them: Don’t you want a phone? Or internet? They said no, they had their cellphones, and as for internet, well they had those grab-a-coffee-while-you-load-a-page USB modems. We asked the society and each member, but nobody seemed interested in just digging that darn hole in the ground. I felt like getting a shovel and going to work myself, but I need society’s permission for that, too.
        I don’t know why they were so lazy or unconcerned … It totally beats me. Anyway, after a year of haggling with the builder, haggling with MTNL, haggling with the society, we just decided to break the rules, got a guy to dig a hole, paid him from our money, and since we had spent one year getting pally with MTNL people we got the cable real fast.

        We needed an NOC from the society, and the president was just so mighty busy, we had to type it out ourselves and ring at her door until she could behoove herself to sign it. We as tenants did all the running around.
        Need I add that within a day of getting to know that cables were now available every single one of these good-for-nothing people applied for a connection!
        That is the reality of my building and similar issues in the entire neighborhood. Nobody would exert himself, especially not on account of anyone else.

        Why don’t you move to my building? We could need some spirit around here! 🙂

    • LOL you would’ve given my hubby a FULL head of silvers instead of just the few he enjoys at the moment!

      Seriously though, I think that the biggest problem for me is that I am so used to people following the laws and rules AND knowing that I would have the community and the Police to back me up if I called someone out on their behavior that I sometimes forget that I’m in India now where there is an instance of a woman being beaten in the paper every day almost. Which to me seems the oddest of all considering that Hinduism is the epitome of equality and peace.

      Also, that in America it is a big fat HUGE no-no for a man to EVER raise his hand to a woman and yet here in India it’s found frequently…..and then the Conservatives say that we Westerners have no morals. Eh???? Huh?????

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