Was it Destiny?

Recently someone asked me if I thought meeting and marrying my husband was Destiny.

I was reminded of a quote from a favorite author of mine (Lawrence Block):

Serendipity.  Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you’ve found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.

I certainly didn’t go looking to marry someone from another country let alone moving to one.

But fate, it would seem, had other ideas.

Do I believe in Fate?  Or even Destiny?  I know I used to LIKE to think I did, but in reality and deep down I always thought I was the master of my own life.  The Captain of my own ship, if you will.

Now I realize, for me anyway, it’s a combination of both things.  I believe that God gave me free will in order to make my own decisions, but I also believe that he’s provided many different paths for me to choose from.

The best way I can describe it is this….

Life gives you multiple paths to take…on that road there are many detours and alternate routes you can take.  These byways are your different Destinies.  Your fate.  All may end up in the same place or same situation but the way you reach there may be different and have vastly different outcomes.

When I met my husband, I had just reached a point in my life where I had finally found out who I was and what I wanted in life and from a life partner.  It took a failed engagement and a few months of therapy to get me there.

Would I have been open to a relationship with my husband if I had met him previous to this or before I was ready?  I can say honestly that I wouldn’t have been.  I just wouldn’t have felt I was strong enough to deal with anything short of an easy relationship.  Knowing this, I stayed away from having one for three years.  And then I met my husband.

When I met my husband I had already traveled to India and was very familiar with the culture and beliefs.  If I had met him previous to this, would I have been prepared for the “culture shock”?  Most likely not.  But I learned it on my own and with no other intent that I enjoy learning new things.

When I met my husband I was financially competent and living independently.  If I had not been, maybe I wouldn’t have felt equal to him or that I had anything to contribute.

There were so many things standing in the way of our being together, that the sheer magnitude of it would have daunted anyone in a less secure stage of their life.

But somehow, someway, we were both ready for it.  I think this made all the difference.

Was it pure fate?  No, I think some of it was the decisions that we both made along our life that brought us to meeting at the exact right time and place.  I think fate decided that time and place but not the decisions that we made on our journey there.

There are so many ways this could have turned out.

Thankfully for me, I got my Ever After.


12 thoughts on “Was it Destiny?

  1. I swear, Alexandra Poniktera cannot quit stalking and harassing us women through her blog.

    She has a stupid little petition going, and writes about me, and my boyfriend, as if she knows us personally, claims that I contact her, which I don’t. Oh Gori, I wish you would come back soon!!


      • No problem 🙂 I bet it feels great to be back in India now….I am planning on going either before or after Christmas. I am going to Goa first to see my “brother” 🙂 Glad to see you’re back with your postings, and no one has run you off 🙂

        Take care

      • Me? Run off? HAHAHA! Nope! I rise to every attempt!

        Goa at Christmas and New Years, I’ve heard, is fabulous and lovely and oh so much fun! We also were considering it last year but work got in the way. I hope you enjoy it and when you get here write and let me know!

        Take care too!

      • Ok, just a wordpress related thing. I am deleting my blogs from blogger, due to people reposting my stuff. I am moving back to wordpress and want to do like bhabhi did, and make all of my posts private, and viewable by approved users only. How do I do that?

      • When you make a post, on the right hand side it gives you an option to make it either private or password protected. Simple and easy. I was wondering what happened to your blog! I tried to go back and read it and it was gone. 😉

  2. I loved this post, especially your thoughts on the different “destined” pathways that we freely chose between. I never was able to put it into words, but that’s very close to my beliefs on destiny and free will.

  3. ***Edited for abusive content***
    L0L…what a load *….both of you *girls* couldn’t be MORE Full of crap! Your husbands only wnated you because you’re a tempatrion to them and you love getting the attention because no white guys wanbt you *. your husbands don’t know or care that you have *been with other men before them, and they are just another toy in your box, eh….wow….you’re really some mental cases*!

    • Hi Alexandra,

      Unlike you, I do sometimes let people voice their opinions on my blog. But as it IS my blog, I do have the right to force my rules on you. Which means no abusive language. Sorry about that Alexandra. Although I would be interested to know how such abusive and violent language fits into the TRUE Sikh believers life. Any thoughts on that?

      Anyway, I let this comment go through because you so obviously wanted to have a say and what you said I wanted to address.

      One, my husband is aware that girls in the west date. I’m not sure how you behave when you date, but I was raised that I have only ‘one’ gift to give that is unique to me and that I should keep it for the right person. And the only temptation I was for him was the onion bhajji I made/make. Otherwise, we have a healthy, loving relationship where neither of us rules over the other.

      Two, I do not (contrary to your beliefs) enjoy the attention you think I receive for being married to my husband. I don’t really receive any great amounts of attention except if you want to include being stared at but even YOU would be stared at here with your blue eyes and pale skin. What I enjoy about being married to my husband is that I am with my best friend and soul mate for the rest of my life. That we share the same beliefs, morals, sense of duty/honor and ability to laugh….these are the things I enjoy.

      Three, I feel sorry for you after learning so much about who you are and your past. What confuses me the most is that you would turn against the very people who would give you the support and acceptance that you so desperately seek and obviously do not receive except for perhaps from Kate Fitzsimons.

      And finally….from your blog posts…..

      1) Your Great Grandmother Anna did not die in childbirth, leaving your Great Grandfather free to remarry. She died August 2, 1972 while still married to your Great Grandfather Alexander. And, seeing as how she was born in 1894, I’m wondering how she managed to get pregnant and then die at the age of 78?

      2) Jammu is in India not Pakistan sweety. Jammu and Kashmir may be contested by Pakistan but as of now it’s still India land.

      Most sincerely,

      Gori Rajkumari

    • Dear Alexandra,

      FYI, I’m not letting your last comment go through for two reasons:

      1) It links back to a site with questionable content (actually questionable isn’t even the right word, grotesque or disgusting fit better).
      2) I’m not sure who that person is and do not allow defamation of other’s on my site…hence the reason I monitor comments.

      Have a good day!


  4. Your post does remind me of the things that helped me be ready for my husband when I met him: several short-term friendships with Indian grad students at my undergrad job, a long-term close friendship with an Indian American (and her family), and an almost-relationship with an Indian guy. I wouldn’t have gotten along with the person A was when he was in undergrad, or if I was still the person I was in undergrad. I think we were both starting to be really honest with ourselves, and we were ready for a partner who would stretch, challenge, and support us. Our deepest values overlap, but I think we have different strengths within those values, so we continue to stretch, challenge, and ground each other.

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