Confessions: Cultural Arguments or just a Remote Control?

Someone recently asked me if Bear and I have arguments related to our differences in Culture.

I really had to think long and hard about this one. I wanted to be able to give as honest an answer as I possibly could.

But the one thing I kept coming back to was that I really couldn’t think of anything that we fought about that had anything whatsoever to do with our cultural background or differences.

Because…truly…we don’t have many differences.

We played the same games as kids; we just had different names for them.

We had similar educations.

Our family values had been the same.

Our ideas, beliefs, opinions and religious beliefs have matched fairly straight down the line.

But, as any couple…we do have our arguments.

To be fair, I should share them.

Are you ready? Are you sure? It’s rather shocking, so here it is…

We fight over the remote controls in the house and the big brown chair.

Every day, Bear comes home and steals away my lovely big brown chair, grabs the remote to turn the channel to a Sports channel to torture me. At night, he either turns off my AC or turns the control up to a blistering 26.

So you see…we are like any other married couple, squabbling over control of the remote, living our lives, loving one another and revealing in the beauty of life that God has chosen to give to us.

I hope that our life squabbles are always as easy as who “owns” the remotes. Because that answer is easy…from 8am-7pm Gori owns them…from 8pm-7am Bear does. 😉

Addendum: After reading this, Bear asked for me to add this…

“I feel that we do not argue because we talk TO each other and not AT each other. We discuss things before they become a problem. Also, I bring you a lot of Chocolate. 🙂 


© 2012 Gori Rajkumari

Was it Destiny?

Recently someone asked me if I thought meeting and marrying my husband was Destiny.

I was reminded of a quote from a favorite author of mine (Lawrence Block):

Serendipity.  Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you’ve found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.

I certainly didn’t go looking to marry someone from another country let alone moving to one.

But fate, it would seem, had other ideas.

Do I believe in Fate?  Or even Destiny?  I know I used to LIKE to think I did, but in reality and deep down I always thought I was the master of my own life.  The Captain of my own ship, if you will.

Now I realize, for me anyway, it’s a combination of both things.  I believe that God gave me free will in order to make my own decisions, but I also believe that he’s provided many different paths for me to choose from.

The best way I can describe it is this….

Life gives you multiple paths to take…on that road there are many detours and alternate routes you can take.  These byways are your different Destinies.  Your fate.  All may end up in the same place or same situation but the way you reach there may be different and have vastly different outcomes.

When I met my husband, I had just reached a point in my life where I had finally found out who I was and what I wanted in life and from a life partner.  It took a failed engagement and a few months of therapy to get me there.

Would I have been open to a relationship with my husband if I had met him previous to this or before I was ready?  I can say honestly that I wouldn’t have been.  I just wouldn’t have felt I was strong enough to deal with anything short of an easy relationship.  Knowing this, I stayed away from having one for three years.  And then I met my husband.

When I met my husband I had already traveled to India and was very familiar with the culture and beliefs.  If I had met him previous to this, would I have been prepared for the “culture shock”?  Most likely not.  But I learned it on my own and with no other intent that I enjoy learning new things.

When I met my husband I was financially competent and living independently.  If I had not been, maybe I wouldn’t have felt equal to him or that I had anything to contribute.

There were so many things standing in the way of our being together, that the sheer magnitude of it would have daunted anyone in a less secure stage of their life.

But somehow, someway, we were both ready for it.  I think this made all the difference.

Was it pure fate?  No, I think some of it was the decisions that we both made along our life that brought us to meeting at the exact right time and place.  I think fate decided that time and place but not the decisions that we made on our journey there.

There are so many ways this could have turned out.

Thankfully for me, I got my Ever After.

The “Goris Come Clean” Picture of Gori and Bear

For our part of the ‘Goris Come Clean’ article in Mid Day Sunday edition, we needed to submit a picture that represented both of us and showed that we were an Intercultural Couple.

However, I also needed a shot that did not convey our true identities or that friends or neighbors.

So, I took this picture from our engagement shot in the US and used my trusty Photoshop CS2 on it.

Below was the final outcome.

Enjoy!  🙂


Gori Rajkumari and Bear Rajkumar



Maybe not Freshly Pressed but I definitely Came Clean!

Recently I was contacted by Sowmya Rajaram at Sunday Mid Day about a piece she was working on regarding Intercultural Relationship Blogs where one half of the couple is Indian.

She wanted to interview ME for her piece!

I mean….WOW.

I mean….GASP.

I mean….Cool BEANS dude!

As well as ……

And then reality hit and I realized that the only way I could do the interview was if I did it as Gori Rajkumari.

Bear and I are happy with our relationship and we are very forthcoming about everything that we experience.  We want to share what we go through so other’s can learn from it without feeling alone and scared about consequences.

Essentially, we wanted to give other’s a chance to view this life in a way we couldn’t view when we started off dating.

And I think we’ve done well at it.  Sharing and getting the word out that it’s not all Roses but it’s also not all Thorns.

BUT….the thorns that we do experience are generally related to people or experiences outside of Bear and myself.  And to save THOSE people and still be able to express our thoughts on these things we’ve decided to keep the blog anonymous.

Or as close to it as we can get.

So, I wrote back to Sowmya and explained that I would love to be interviewed but that I must ask that no real names or pictures be used for her piece.  And she responded in the positive!!

And so it was that Gori Rajkumari and her Rajkumar have made it to the big league.  Kind of.  🙂

Happy Anniversary Bear!!!

Because you are the love of my life, the man of my dreams and the soul mate I’ve dreamed of.

I wanted to share with the world the depth and understanding of our love.  The importance.  The seriousness.

So with that in mind, I give you the Happy Anniversary Song.  🙂

❤  Obviously I’ve been remiss in posting for a good reason.  I’ll post a good one tomorrow and bring you all up to date!